I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
