my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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