I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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