she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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