smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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