because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The air taste purple.
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