Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
