shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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