I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
