I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize