dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
