i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
