i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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