are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
