I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
try to milk me bitch
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