I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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