I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
