no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
