I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
