Your tits are I can't wait for
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
