you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
