i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
