my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
