Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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