wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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