We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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