a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
