What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
