Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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