3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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