Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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