Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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