Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
