mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
