In the future we'll all be gay
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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