my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
