My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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