I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
