I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We don't watch enough power rangers
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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