Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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