hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
