So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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