Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
false alarm, still single
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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