Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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