end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
