i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
