Plan B is the new Plan A
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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