please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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