that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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