is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
