I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we have pet lesbian snakes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize