when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
