Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
