Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
