I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
