Need sex. Gaining weight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
