barbara walters just said penis...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
