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just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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