Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
