Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
