Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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