Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
