I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize