man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize