Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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