...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
