You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
