My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
