Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
