I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Enjoy the penises
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize