I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
