i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
