my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
